Older and Wiser

Someone down through the years told me that the older I would get, the more comfortable I would become in my own skin. They told me, I would be older and wiser. That the little stuff would not bother me as much.

I call bullshit.

The older I get, indeed the wiser I feel,  but the little shit bothers me just as much, only it is different shit now. Somehow, I think if I have grown older and wiser, that all women are older and wiser, and that is plain stupid. If all women were older and wiser, then we wouldn’t still be allowing male standards dictate our dating habits.

When we were younger, some of us gave into the concept that friends with benefits (FWB)—geez, I hate that term—was the modern thing to do. Why commit when we had careers to build? Why pressure men for more than they were willing to give? And guys had great reasons for not getting involved as well. They were building careers. They wanted to wait until they were financially secure to enter a relationship. They were in transition. They still lived with mommy and daddy. No problem. We had a full life ahead of us and plenty of time to commit.

Oh, and it gets better, FWB is better for all of us because we are all horny and have no control of our bodies. We must have sex or we will become dried up prunes not worthy to walk the streets beside the more enlightened crowd.

Now guys are still feigning off relationships, but the reasons are different. Now they have just gotten out of a bad long-term bad relationship or they are still in a loveless marriage. They never lived as young men and so are living out their youth as old men. They just want FWB. Uh huh. Same bullshit, different decade.

Women, here is the real truth. As long as we allow men to sell us the same bag of crap, they will continue shoveling shit at us. The real truth is as trite as it sounds, as long as someone is willing to give away milk for free, there will always be someone unwilling to buy the cow. And FWB will never be an equal relationship, at least not for long.

While there are always exceptions to the rule, most people get more out of sex if there is some commitment and emotional tie to their partner. The whole concept of FWB is to keep things casual, easy to walk away from without anyone getting hurt. Odds are good someone will get hurt. Someone will walk away before the other party is ready. Someone will want more than a quick roll in the hay. (Notice I played nice and didn’t mention STDs.)

So here is the question. Why are you putting yourself through that to get nothing in return but meaningless sex, an empty bed when you need to be held the most, and that axe hanging over your head as you wait for it to end. Is fifteen seconds of nookie really worth it?

Here is a better question. Why would someone tell me he is only looking for FWB when I explicitly tell him I’ve abstained for a very, very, very—holy cow—very long time while waiting to find a solid relationship where sex is of course on the table but only a very minute part of the big picture? I want someone who will be there for me even when I’m too old to go to the store without a diaper and I routinely forget where I left my false teeth. I will not sell myself out for less.

FWB my ass. Let him fond someone else.

I hope he gets an STD.


2 thoughts on “Older and Wiser

  1. I relate so hard with this. FWB is a child’s game. Removing love from what needs to be a loving relationship, if you want your emotional needs met along with your physical ones, is nonsensical. The sad truth is getting a man to commit to marriage when in a long term loving relationship is hard enough. In a FWB he’s made it impossible.


    1. How about just committing long enough to find out if there are grounds for a relationship? I’m not looking for anyone to come through the door with a diamond ring in hand. I just don’t want to be filler for some other woman.


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