Thought of the Day

Just because you are popular does not mean you are a good writer any more than lack of popularity means you are a poor writer. Popularity often has a great deal more to do with marketing and networking skills than talent.

 

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Online Pickup Lines—What Not to Do

I came from a generation before computers and cell phones were household items. Dating meant meeting people face to face, either as strangers or friends of friends. One problem that my generation came up against still plagues current generations, only now it is in an online format.

Ladies and gentlemen, I want to talk about pickup lines.

Pickup lines are attention getters that help you narrow down the pack of nameless faces to those you might just find interesting enough to eventually share your real name. Ok, so the faces have been replaced by lines of text or abbreviated profiles or ads. If you are very lucky, you have a face to go with the text.

If you pass visual inspection, you still have to say something interesting enough to get the other party to respond, preferably more than once. Here are 10 surefire things not to start with:

Picture?

Yeah, some people will send a one-word message asking for a picture. Not cool dude, especially if you haven’t provided one of yourself. Besides, why would I want to go to the trouble before I decide if I want to have a conversation with you anyway? A picture tells you one thing only. Practically meaningless unless there is something to go with it.

ASL (age, sex, location)

Shockingly, people are still using this acronym, even when there is a fully filled out profile to refer to, but actually referring to the profile means taking a minute to—I don’t know—READ.

What are you looking for?

Again, if you start a conversation with that, it says you haven’t taken minute one to read the profile.

What is your bra size?

Really? Do I need to explain why this is offensive? Do you see my asking what your penis size is?

Text me at xxx-xxx-xxxx

Exactly why would I give a perfect stranger my phone number? The point of using a website to screen potential dates is to protect personal information until you choose to share it. That give me your digits bull didn’t work many decades ago. Why should it work now?

Do you like oral?

Do you kiss your mother with that mouth? Seriously? Why would I tell you that until I have decided I want your mouth anywhere near me?

Meet me for coffee. I don’t like to chat.

Right and serial killers and rapists don’t drink coffee. You are trying to meet someone through a freaking computer program. I kind of like to think you are computer literate and can keep up. You’ve only had 30 years to get used to the technology. I’m willing to bet you have no problem finding porn but it is too hard to chat with me before expecting me to trust you.

Babe…

Any greeting that includes babe, gal, girl, or chick doesn’t show due respect to a stranger. How do you know I am a babe until you get to know me? And I am certainly not a gal or a girl. Woman is good. Lady is better. Honey is fairly safe.

I’m married, but…

But nothing. You should be ashamed of yourself. If you are married, you are not ready for a relationship. If the marriage sucks so bad that you have to go looking, then get out of it and do it right. Everyone is afraid of being alone or losing everything in a divorce. Get over it. Pull up your big boy panties and be the man a good woman deserves.

I know you don’t want to talk to me

Nothing is more of a turn off than a man who has so little self-respect that he assumes up front that you don’t want to hear from him, especially if you have already taken the plunge and set up a dating profile or placed a personal ad. Do you know what comments like that really tell me? It tells me you are either desperate or a sucker who can be played so easily that it would take all the fun out of it to even try.

If you really want to find a good woman online, be honest. Be open. Be creative and say something she will remember for longer than it will take to move on to the next response.

 

Steal Your Ideas

I recently read a blog that suggested a reasons to write every day is because if you don’t, someone will steal your ideas. Worst reason ever and this is why.

For simplicity’s sake, let’s stick to fiction. Every story that ever was written can be summed up in its essence. For example, the story of Romeo and Juliet is about boy meets girl. Pretty basic, but in essence, there it is. How many books and movies can be summed up in the same three words? Billions? And do you really think that was an original idea created by Shakespeare?

Poppycock.

What makes our writing unique is not the grand idea. It is how we carry it out. I can sit ten writers down with the same idea—and I have. Those ten writers will each come up with a unique story. Not all of them will be good either, but that is beside the point. Until you are done, you won’t know if yours is good either.

Stop worrying about someone stealing your idea. Worry about writing the damn story.

New Year’s Resolutions

Since I suspect I will be no more successful this year in keeping my resolutions than any of my prior years, let’s have some fun!

2018 New Year’s Resolutions, Bitter Old Bat Style!

 

  • World Peace!
  • Wear matching socks.
  • Exercise until my boobs inflate to their previously magnificent position.
  • Give money to every vagrant who approaches my car in traffic without wondering if they will earn more that day than I do.
  • Faithfully watch the new every day because staying informed will make me happier about my place in the world.
  • Never again call a dumb ass a dumb ass as soon as I hang up the phone or walk away.
  • Sleep with every man who asks me because 15 minutes of fun is better than learning to be happy with myself.
  • Oh, what the heck, I will faithfully blog every day perchance to enhance the lives of my fellow man because I am just that good.

How to Create Your Story — iniusoro

This post is worth sharing. Kudos to iniusoro for her insight and for reminding us to be be free to be ourselves.

“Create your own story, stop trying to copy others. Believe that you can make it just like every successful individual you know, heard of or have read of”. iniusoro It’s sad that people go their whole lives searching for something they already have. I was at a party recently, when it was time for […]

via How to Create Your Story — iniusoro

Whatever Happened to the Asexual Crone

I remember both my grandmother and my great grandmother when they were well into their gray hair and grandbaby years. They were both vibrant crones with strong opinions and even stronger wills. They also shared a wicked sense of humor. I remember being told more than once that, “There’s nothing wrong with getting old. In fact, you should look forward to it. When you are old, people no longer look at you as crazy. You become eccentric, and since you are old, your behavior must be forgiven.” They fully took advantage of their old age eccentricity.

Funny. My grandmother was younger than I am now when she got away with her crazy days.

They also shared an opinion of men and sex after the deaths of their husbands. While my grandfather was loved and my great grandfather at least tolerated, both women decided they were done with men after they found themselves alone again. They referred to suitors as nasty old men who just wanted a free meal and to get between the sheets. To the best of my knowledge, and I was close to both women, they no longer needed or wanted the companionship of a man. They had made a thoughtful decision that sex was no longer an important part of their lives. They had entered their crone years and intended to live them out as content crones free to be who they wanted to be.

Considering the eras they grew up in, I admire them for their decisions. They were raised to submit to their men and to be dependent upon them, even when we all knew they were stronger and wiser than any ten men put together. Together they were the rock that held our family together.

Now, I keep reading about how crones should not consider themselves asexual beings. Instead, they should explore their sexuality. That is fine. If that is what older women want, they should have it, but I think equal attention should be paid to the women who have, as many would consider it, served their time as wife and mother and are relieved to put that part of their lives behind them.

As we age, our priorities change. I know some women who dearly look forward to old age when they can give up the ghost of what may be a long dead desire to ever copulate again. They do not want their lack of desire to be treated as a disease. They see it as a rite of passage, and so they should. They may have already been accused by the men in their life of being frigid or not liking sex, or worse, submitted just because it was a duty for so long that they may not even remember or care to remember enjoying sex. Do the experts need to put more pressure on them in their later years to go through the stress of social pressures to reenter the sexual revolution when they no longer care about the outcome?

We need to remember that a woman’s worth, no matter the age, is not measured by her sexual desire but by the love she has to give, the smiles she shares, and the wisdom doled out in careful and, hopefully, appreciated increments. Those wrinkles are worth more gold than we have the means to give them. We need to support their decisions and nurture their love as long as we have them with us.

I know I miss the crones who raised me as much today as when I lost them. And you know what? It had absolutely nothing to do with sex. Kind of like many good things in life.

 

 

Click Bait Queen

Recently I found a new client who has been paying me good money to have fun. How is that, you ask? Simple, the sucker—I mean client—is paying me to write outrageous National Enquirer-type stories as click bait. The more dramatic, the better.

You have seen this type of article in a million places. The most frustrating for me are those that lead me to believe a favorite actor has died. Particularly if that actor is younger than I am. Like I don’t have enough friends and family dropping like flies around me.

The trick is to keep the writing interesting and professional until you have hooked the reader’s interest, then drop the other shoe with something crazy enough that it just might work.

Sure, I could write fiction and have just as much fun, but getting fiction published is actually a lot of work. This gig fell into my lap like free money from heaven. And sure, I probably should feel a little bit guilty for following the gullible, but oddly I don’t.

I’m probably going to hell, but I’ll go to hell with season tickets to the theater.